Despite

I just returned from a week of doing work that I deeply love.

It was exciting, fulfilling, exhausting, and at times, incredibly uncomfortable.

During The Retreat Leaders Immersion that I co-led, I had a conversation with one of our participants that has stayed with me.

She shared some of the beautiful ideas she has for her future, along with the fear that she might never act on them.

The questions running through her mind sounded something like this:

Who am I to do this?

Why would anyone pay to spend this time with me?

What if I can't pull it off?

I recognized those questions immediately...because I ask myself versions of them, too.

Despite nearly two decades of teaching, leading retreats, coaching, and facilitating experiences, I still wrestle with fear.

Fear of being seen.

Fear of judgment.

Fear of being misunderstood.

Fear that what I have to offer isn't enough.

From the outside, it might look like I've moved beyond these insecurities.

I've spent years developing my skills, building businesses, creating experiences, and gathering plenty of evidence that my work has value.

And yet, those internal conversations still show up.

I've done a tremendous amount of personal work to understand where these stories come from and have developed tools and practices to navigate them. But they haven't disappeared.

What has changed isn't necessarily the thoughts. It's my relationship with them.

I've learned that I don't need to resolve every insecurity or have every detail figured out before moving forward.

I know what it feels like to honor the ideas, curiosities, and desires that keep asking for my attention.

And I know how it feels when I don't.

I think about the retreats that wouldn't have happened.

The incredible humans I wouldn't have met.

The experiences I wouldn't have had.

The parts of myself I might never have discovered.

And while I don't believe every idea needs to become something or every curiosity needs to be pursued, I do believe we owe it to ourselves to listen when something continues to call us.

To get curious about what is holding us back.

To question the stories we've come to believe about our capabilities and our worth.

And to recognize that we can feel afraid, uncertain, and unprepared and still choose to participate fully in our lives.

I don't know that I'll ever arrive at a place where self-doubt no longer visits...but I'm not interested in waiting for it to leave before I begin.