"How often do you feel stuck or down on yourself and need to pull yourself up?" I had to pause when a friend asked me this over coffee. My response, "umm, every day." Although I have daily collisions with this feeling, what I have become practiced at is how quickly I can pull myself up. What do I need to pull myself up from?
Comparing myself to others
Doubting my abilities
Anxiety around what is next for my career
Feeling unfocused or not creative
Dropping the ball
Misalignment of my values with how I live my life
Wondering if...Am I doing enough? Am i doing too much? Is it all worth it? Am i worth it?
The list goes on...can you relate? If so, welcome to the Human Experience. I consider this to be quite normal. Every single client I work with and friend that I talk to has a similar struggle. Our work is not to be hard on ourselves for feelings this way, instead acquire and employ a set of tools to reckon with the struggle. Here is a glimpse into my toolbox: Roladex No, I don't have a physical roladex, but I do have a mental one. The days when I have more misses than wins at work, the story I make up is: "You are not good at your job. Pack it up." After I take a moment to commiserate with myself and feel the feels, I open my mental roladex and use the beautiful prompt from Byron Katie, "How do I know this is true?" My personal roladex is filled with experiences that are in powerful opposition to the story I made up. They instead affirm that the work that I do is valuable, supportive, creative and worthy. It is 20+ years of thick feedback directly from clients about the positive impact that I made vs. a momentary blip of self-doubt. Phone a Friend My whole body sighs when someone says, "Yeah, I have experienced that too." Sharing what we are processing can untether us from what feels so heavy. Verbalizing our feelings with a trusted listener can help us excavate the muck that impairs the truth. When I hear myself processing with a friend, my ears are more alert to the bullshit that my ego makes up about the situation. The combination of their space holding and affirmation that I am not alone helps me quickly track towards wholeness again. Just Do It With my roladex in hand, I take a moment to reflect on some of my biggest wins and truths about who I am. I then deconstruct those moments...Who was I with? What was I doing? Where was I? Why did it bring me joy? With some good data in hand, I make a plan to reawaken that joy and deep trust in myself. My goal is to accumulate more moments that point to who I really am. A collection of inner validation nuggets that I can tap into when I experience self-doubt. Friends, what is in your tool kit when you need a soulful kick in the pants? I'd love to hear!
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